Avoiding your gaze
Searching for answers,
I look often up and to
the left when I lie.

Jack's bum smells terribly. He insists on sitting next to my chair at the computer and releasing gas. I am not British, I just like how British people say "bum" instead of "ass". I am, however, disgusted and may have to leave the room. Jack is my dog, and he is lovable and cute despite the fact that his bum smells like raw sewage. I found him stray right before I bought my house. I was single and lonely, and I thought he would be just the friend I was looking for. Boy, was I ever wrong. Aside from the fact that he has a smelly bum, he has a little pink lipstick that creeps out whenever he is happy, excited, tired, wired, asleep, awake, eating, and sniffing other dog's bums, be they male or female. He also lots of hair, which I knew when I found him, but I didn't realize that I would find it in my shoes, my bed, everything I eat, between my toes, in my mouth, and in my underwear. Since I took him in, he poked out every screen on the front porch with his nose, he has wetted everything I have worn with his nose, and every morning since, he has insisted that I get out of bed...with his nose...touching my nose. I am not very knowledgeable regarding dog anatomy, but I am pretty sure that Jack has springs in his legs because he jumped out the hole he poked in the screen, he jumps over the fence in the back yard whenever I turn my back, he jumped (or fell?) out the window of my car while I was rounding a corner doing 25 miles per hour, and he jumps eye level to me and everyone else that crosses the threshold in to the house. Whenever I try to correct him for jumping, tunneling under the house or eating a perfumed candle he goes absolutely dogpsycho, tucks his bum down, spins in place like a hairly black dreidel and bares his teeth. It is so fucking funny, I can't be mad at him. He wins. Now, disregarding all of his annoying habits, he also requires a lot of care...A LOT of CARE. Okay, so he eats the same food every day without complaint and only drinks water. That's cool, but he is always up my ass...I think if he could crawl up inside and hang out he would. Everywhere I walk, there he is, waiting to be stepped on. Everywhere I go, there he is, waiting at the door to come with. Every night when I lay down to go to bed, he sleeps down on the floor beside and snores, LOUDLY, and runs in place having little doggy fits. Whenever I come home from a place where there is another dog, he sniffs me, he knows, and he is pissed off worse than a jealous boyfriend. His only saving graces are that he can't talk, he is so damn cute, and he makes no attempt to hide the fact that he loves me more than anyone or thing else in the world, excepting only the smell of his own bum. I guess that is good enough for me. I had no idea what I was getting in to. He is not exactly the friend I was looking for, but somehow, the flea ridden, wet nosed, smelly bummed, lipstick showing, tooth baring dreidel found his way in to my heart to become my best friend. So what does that say about me? Perhaps I am not as selective as I thought.